My family and I (22F) have been at odds for several years now. The situation recently took such a turn that I had no choice but to cut them off completely. My mind is now filled with doubts about whether I have gone too far by blocking them or if I was justified all along.
Past Events
There were hardly any bonds of unity in my family, and relations with them were mostly on the surface. The atmosphere within the family was always tense, the siblings were the favorites, and I was emotionally neglected. I was never given more than a second thought, and when I wanted to solve the issues, it was said that I was already “too sensitive” or “ungrateful.”
On moving out at 18, I was caught out by a dramatic change for the worse in the relationship with my parents. The latter, instead of recognizing that I now had enough self-reliance, became very jealous of my life decisions and were trying to boss me around all the time, inquiring about my place, and more so, still angry that I didn’t visit them more often even though every trip brought conflicts.
The Pivotal Moment
The very last situation took place several months ago. After a huge fight over something minor (for not answering a call because I was currently working), my mother sent me a manipulative text using the guilt trip about how I “abandoned the family” and owed them for everything they have done for me. My siblings went further and labeled me as selfish and impolite.
I informed them of my boundaries and asked for space, but instead of understanding, they attacked me. Rather, they went on about the guilt and shame, name-calling, and the demands they had on me. And I was so angry, I blocked them all: calls, texts, social media, everything.
The Consequences
Initially, I found myself being less tense. They were causing me constantly to be stressed and anxious, and that was no more. However, now it is almost six months later, I am starting to ask myself whether it was really the right decision.
Certain people tell me that I made a good decision—if the relationship with the person is toxic, then even if it is your own family, they should not be allowed to step over your boundaries. Without stating it loudly, these people are trying to hint at something they have in mind. That is, “a family is a family,” and I should make an effort to come to terms with the situation.
The Quandary
One part of me is on the fence about whether or not to reconnect with them and give them another chance. Then again, I recollect how many I have not given already, yet they remained unaltered. Honestly, I don’t want to completely abandon them, but at the same time, I don’t want to keep on attracting their toxic characters to my life.
